Thursday, January 8, 2015

Many feelings

Wow, I just listened to a song in my youtube favorite list and it really gave me this special kind of feeling. I figured it might be good for a post, but I didn't want to double post that song. In the search for the song in older posts I scrolled back some pages. I really didn't blog a lot last year, so before I really knew it, I ended up at last Christmas. Back then... All the posts remembered me of some kind of day or feeling, some better Period in my life. It's really crazy how time passes by. I guess I should look ahead, but that seems to be the hardest thing right now. Sometimes I wish I could tell you everything that happened, since that summer day in July. In fact it rained like shit that day. Sadly I don't remember everything that happened, or I don't want to publish stuff as it involves the privacy of other people that I don't want to disrespect. I don't even want to post all the things I think right now as that would probably make me just look stupid ;)

I should be working harder for work. But often I find it hard to motivate myself when I go from one project task to the next and there is no more room for some actual science work :( Maybe I'm not cut out for Academy, or maybe I just suck at life all together, but at least I have met super awesome people at work. I guess we would be out drinking every night, would there not be the fear that at some point you are doomed to be an alcoholic if you really do that for a longer time x)

So enough for now. Here is the song I was speaking about. Maybe it can get someone else through a tough day, or a nasty time, or maybe for other people it achieves a completely different effect than for me!

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Life passes by and I stand exactly at the same position as before

Hello everyone!

It's been a while. So many things have happened. I guess since my last post I have changed quite a bit as a person. To be honest I don't feel like sharing everything that happened on here. It were interesting, joyful, painful, drunken, funny, sad, happy and weird times. While I learned quite a bit about my desires in life and while some of them changes over time, some desires never really go away. And while I say I changed, here I still am, the same old guy. But let's not sound too depressed :) I think I am healthy for the biggest part, I have a job and a roof over my head, although my job could be going better ;) In two weeks something important is due and I still don't have a huge clue on how to solve the problem. But! Tomorrow I am going to the tattoo parlor :D After a long year of waiting, I finally got a call some weeks back, saying that I was at the front of the queue! I gathered all my images and ideas and hope that the artist can make something out of it! I'm a little nervous she will be totally disinterested and won't like to work on it. In which case the waiting was for nothing I guess, but I hope she will like the fact that she can give quite some artistic input here too :D

Some of you might think that this post looks a little weird. I'm not really saying anything about what I did and I sound a bit like I might just kill myself. I can assure you that I am (at least currently) not planning to so do, but I have been wanting to pick up blogging, and so many other things from my old life again, for a while. Maybe I will actually find the time to do so now and this is a first start right here!

But like always, let's at least post some music video here :) I have listened to this song at least 500 times in the past half year. I still don't know the lyrics by heart, but the last part: "If I could have it back, all the time that we wasted I'd only waste it again, if I could have it back, you know I would love to waste it again, waste it again, and again, and again." So true, I would love to "waste" it again. See you around soon! 

Monday, July 21, 2014

Time tics a little slower

Hey there!

It's been eight days now, but it feels like a month. I don't think it is only because I had so much fun with friends in this time, there must be more to it. Probably a large part is simply because I miss something that occupied a large part in my life before. However, I must say that I have really changed. Somehow I took up my "I don't care, let's just have fun at whatever cost" attitude. I'm a bit more outgoing, I'm pursuing things I didn't do before, careless even if you wish. I look at people in a different light and I'm discovering sides of me that I haven't seen in a long time, if ever.

Maybe I will turn around my life? Maybe add some people from work to the select group I consider friends? Do some stuff which I haven't done in a long time? Grow a beard? Okay the last one is fairly unlikely... I've been trying for 5 days now and the success is very mediocre. But I've even been considering to buy a car. I'd really care for a fast car at the moment, but they are either very expensive regarding the buying, or they are VERY thirsty cars x) But even considering the second problem, a Mazda RX-8 does look very sexy :o A rotary engine always fascinated me to be honest! Maybe a bit of petrol runs through my veins after all ;)

Ah well... my short attention span is still kicking it, so I shouldn't do anything which has a big impact on life, or my bank account right now. First I should return to a normal way of living and then decide on things. Let's see ;D

See you around everyone! Also, still one of my favorites:

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Insert a new coin to continue...

Hey there!

Since my last post I have been... well, pretty okay actually. I have spent time with some more people and killed a lot of time. Somehow coping is going better than expected! A friend of mine recommended me True Detective. Even though I have a hard time focusing on a single thing right now, I really sucked up the show. It is a very different type of show, but it is really brilliant at that, including a strong set of soundtracks! I think I will re-watch it when I can focus on it a little better and give it the full appreciation it deserves!

Friday evening I was pretty tired as I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before. So when I got home I slept for some hours, waking up fit and thus enabling me to stay up the night until the birds woke up on Saturday morning again. I went to bed at 6:30 as I figured I would really need some sleep. I slept half of the day and went over to my parents place. In fact it was my birthday yesterday :o A quarter of a century... time passes. I still remember starting this blog back in 2010 ^^; I didn't really celebrate my birthday though. Because,... well you know, circumstances.

Today I then met up with another friend of mine and we went hiking. I guess we overestimated our hiking skills a little, but it was very fun. Afterwards we went to the loving hut in Maastricht. I was a bit anxious about this, because I didn't really know what to expect and when it comes to food he is fairly picky considering he is a cook himself. Luckily he also liked the food and it wasn't too expensive :)

I went home, chilled a bit with my parents and came back to my place. Here I checked out some cars. Driving to the wedding was a lot of fun actually! But my moms car doesn't really go faster than 150km/h and I really would have liked a bit more tbh. So now I am considering buying a car. I would have the money, but the problem is I have no clue about cars xD... But I think I just have to refrain from wasting several thousands on a car that I don't really need right now.

So I ended up blogging to pass some more time, but also because I ran across the following video in my youtube favorites again. It is about a pretty cool open source art project. In fact it is a commercial for absolute vodka, which I don't care about, but the final result is really cool! Check it out, including the making of.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Coping with things... and looking ahead

Hi everyone,

I guess it is time to clarify my last post. Last Sunday my girlfriend and me broke up. There was no big fight, no shattered cutlery, just a long talk, a lot of tears and a break up. We talked through our relationship and realized we might not fit together in the best way. Further details I will not discuss on here. Since then I have been trying to cope with the whole situation. The days seem longer than usual, but talking to people about the situation has helped me a lot! In fact I want to look ahead and try and grasp the opportunity to be happy. But it isn't easy when you are living in the apartment you shared for more than half a year... So many memories can really cause some serious pain. But they are happy memories, which I don't want to loose or blemish either!

I think the hardest part for me is the re-adjustment. When I get, home nobody is there to welcome me, nobody is there to shop, cook or do the dishes with me. I lost my soul mate, the one person I could discuss everything with. We obviously have our differences, but I really miss her in my life! But I guess that I have to look ahead. For both of our sakes I will try not to cling to the relationship too much, as it would only hurt us more than necessary. I need to move on and cherish the fond memories, but I have to keep on making new memories as well.

For the rest of the week I will try to keep myself busy! Obviously there is work, but I find it hard to focus for longer periods of time right now. In the evening I will meet up with friends, try to get some kind of regular cooking/dish washing/house hold combo going again and well... live my life! It will be a hard time. Saturday is my birthday, but I don't feel like partying. Back in the day I would always have a little family meet up at my parents, but right now I don't want to be scrutinized by some people, talking about why my girlfriend is not there...

While writing down my thoughts helps me a lot, it makes me think about everything. When we split up, we had our reasons, and to be honest I don't doubt the decision. However, thinking about these reasons makes me feel pretty bad, as I have myself to blame in many cases... This song, at least to me, represents my feelings pretty well, even though it might have been intended completely differently ^^;